My Flock of Five

When it comes to traveling with kids, it can be really challenging. It’s more expensive and less relaxing. Depending on the age of your kids, it requires many more stops for everything from feeding the baby to diaper changes to potty breaks and “don’t-make-me-turn-this-car-around” lectures. It’s easy to just keep putting it off. It’s easy to say, “when they’re just a little bit older, we’ll go.” But I have found with my own kids that it is worth the power struggles and extra stops. And here’s why.

#3 Traveling Builds Relationships

Traveling gives you a unique opportunity to just love on your littles. Of course, you always love them, but it’s usually alongside a busy routine. When you occasionally take them out of the ordinary, it’s incredibly special to them. They recognize that this is something different and they get to see you in a different light, too. Now maybe you’re the mom that builds a sandcastle with them on the beach or looks at dinosaur bones with them in a museum instead of just the mom that nags them to eat all their food and put their shoes on in less than 2.5 hours. When traveling, you can be making their best memories without even realizing it. We took a weekend trip to the beach when my daughter was four and she still talks about it as one of her very favorite times.

#2 Traveling Provides Unique Teaching Opportunities

Again, you’re taking them out of their element and out of their routine. This means a couple of different things. It means that it will be trying for your kids. Yes, it’s exciting for them, but it’s also exhausting and full of unknown factors. They have to cope with long days and no usual schedule, but this is good for them. I promise. As humans, we have to be able to adapt. We need to learn to handle different situations and traveling takes your kids out of their comfort zones to do just that. As I mentioned before, it will require some extra patience on your part, but it’s worth it. You can minimize the struggle by preparing your kids ahead of time. Let them know what to expect by sharing your schedule with them each day and explaining anything they might not understand. Let them ask questions and encourage them to be excited about what’s going to happen. It goes such a long way and will make your trip so much better.

#1 Traveling Expands Their Worlds

I really think this is the number one reason to travel with kids. In our lives, we get so used to seeing just the things and people around us. Especially for children, it’s easy for those worlds to become self-centered. It’s easy to think that our lives in our homes is all there is and all that matters. Traveling reminds us that we’re not the only ones in this world. You see new places, new people, new ways of life, and new cultures, making it impossible to believe that yours is the only one there or the only one that matters. None of us would actually ever say this, but this thinking is prevalent in our society and easy to fall into if we’re not careful. I didn’t realize just how many of my thoughts and opinions and prejudices came from the fact that I’m an American until I was surrounded by people of a completely different culture in a completely different country. I didn’t realize how many of my own personal morals came from my Christian faith until I was in a country of non-Christians. I learned these things after I became an adult and I wonder how much it would’ve changed if I had learned this as a child. I travel with my children so that they will know. They have heard another language and seen another religion. They’ve seen history and customs of other cultures and they know that the U.S. isn’t the only country that matters. Their worlds are bigger because they have traveled, and to me, that’s enough reason to bring them along.

Have you traveled with your kids? How far did you go? What were some positives that came out of bringing them along?

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My husband and I have been together for over ten years (you can read our love story here) . We’ve been married for almost eight of those years and, over time, we've learned a few things. A lot of these things are silly and probably trivial, like the fact that I hate sweeping up dust piles and my husband won't eat pie. But, some of the things we have learned have proven time and time again to be foundational in keeping our marriage strong. I want to share those things today with you and hear any other advice you have to add.

1. Don't say never or always.

I'm breaking the golden rule of blogging and starting with the best tip because, if you only remember one tip from this article, it needs to be this one. This is really the number one rule we live by. After we'd been married for a couple of years, I read this tip in an article about how to stop fighting. I don't even remember the name or author of the article, but this one tip drastically improved our marriage.

I wouldn't say that we ever really fought a lot, but, when we started implementing this tip, the fights sure became a lot shorter and less venomous.

The idea is that "always" and "never' are fighting words.

Imagine that you say, "you never take out the trash!" because your husband hasn't taken it out in a week. The reality is that, he took that trash out every time it was needed for the last ten months, so you just negated all of his hard work with that one word.

Now, you might think that always would be a positive word, but the same is true of its opposite.

Imagine your spouse says to you, "you always leave your towel on the floor after your shower!" but you normally put it in the laundry basket. You were just in a hurry and forgot it on the floor. Now your partner has made it sound like you're a habitual slob because you made one mistake.

Now, go back to those same two situations and remove those words.

"You haven't taken out the trash this week."

"You left your towel on the floor after your shower."

Do you see how much less emotionally charged those two statements are? It really makes such a big difference in not undermining your spouse.

2. Share your feelings.

Communication in marriage is priceless. Marriage can be an incredible opportunity to have nightly sleepovers with your best friend, but you have to build your marriage like that. Just like in friendship, sharing your joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures, fears and strengths builds trust. It has to be intentional, and it requires honesty and vulnerability. As humans, we need to vent. We need to share our feelings and what better person to share with than your beloved? You can grow together by sharing emotional intimacy.

On the flip side, if you're not sharing your feelings with them, you'll share them with someone else. This can lead to cheating and, ultimately, divorce.

3. Share your dreams.

What is your plan for your life? If you could do anything, what would it be? Talking about these things can help you create a shared vision of your future. That way you don't suddenly end up finding out that you've been working in opposite directions for the past five years. Instead, you can discuss them and work together to realize each of your dreams.

This kind of conversation is how we ended up in Japan. We were talking about what we wanted to be and where we saw our future, and we realized that we had both always wanted to be missionaries. If we had never discussed that, we would probably still be living in Wichita.

4. Have a date at least once a month.

This gets harder and harder as your family grows. When we were first married, Brandon and I went out on a date almost every weekend. After Lisanna was born, we were able to manage it about every other week. After Arrow was born, it was closer to once every six weeks or so.

As the time between dates spread thinner and thinner, so did our tempers. It sapped out the romance, making us feel more like roommates and co-parents than best friends that are deeply in love. We could tell when it had been too long since our last date because we became less interested in each other and more easily annoyed.

We've made getting out together at least once a month a priority for the past couple of years. Especially in the midst of school runs, diaper changes, and constant house cleaning, it's made a huge difference in keeping the spark alive.

5. Put your phones down.

The time that you have together is valuable - show each other that.

I can't tell you how many times I would reach the end of the day and realize I hadn't taken a good look at my husband yet that day. And this would be after we'd been together for several hours.

So whether you're on a date or a school run, make sure that you and your spouse are completely focused on each other each and every day. I'm not saying it has to be every moment of every day, but set aside some time to be screen-free. Put it down and listen to each other's feelings and dreams. Put it down and talk about your days - the funny parts and the not-so-wonderful moments. Put it down, look each other in the eye, and remember why you chose those eyes to gaze into until death do you part.

Do you do any of these things already? What other tips would you add to my list?