Time is a funny thing. It passes by too quickly and not at all. I pause for a second to take a breath and then notice that months have passed. I promise to love this man for my entire life and suddenly seven years of that life have slipped from my grasp. I hold my babies’ hands and teach them each day, only to realize all that once that they are now children. I anxiously await moment after moment only to look back a few years later.

 I can’t slow it down or speed it up. I can’t stop it from ebbing and flowing. All I can do is intentionally monitor how I spend that time. If I’m not careful, even guarding my time passes me by. It’s too easy to get caught up in the day to day. It’s too easy to count the seconds to bed time when the kids are driving me crazy and to take for granted the sweet innocence with which they view life right now. They won’t always desire all of my attention or be so excited to tell me about each and every detail of their little lives.

 I can see my children growing up before my eyes. Suddenly, my chubby baby is a tall, thin, friendly, and intelligent girl. Suddenly, my little squishy ball of energy is a boy with striking green eyes, insecurities about a new brother joining the family, and the ability to build Legos according to instruction booklets. I see them living this life, loving their family, and struggling with being human, and I see my time with them under my wing slipping away. This last seven years of marriage has flown by, and their 4 and 5 years of life are no exception. This new baby is entering our lives soon, too, bringing even more starkly into contrast how very quickly time passes. It seems like I just found out I was pregnant and now this little one is due in less than a month. 

And I wonder, am I doing my best as a parent? Do they know how much I love them? Do they know that I adore them? That I rejoice with them in successes and mourn in failures? That even though they sometimes drive me crazy, I miss them every single second we are away? That sometimes I even want to wake them up to spend more time with them?

 The answer is “I don’t know.” But I’m going to tell them again today.